I seem to have one of those faces that remind people of someone else.
Throughout my life, people have kept telling me how I look like someone they know. These are just the more famous people who look like me, organised chronologically, with notes on my life at the time.
6th Form: Nick Heyward from Haircut 100
When I was in the sixth form (i.e. 16-17 years old) there was a small group of girls who used to kinda follow me around. I thought they were laughing at me and that tormenting me was rather cruel.
But it turned out one of them had a crush on me because I “looked like Nick Heyward”. She told her friend to tell me she wanted to go out with me.
Of course, I did nothing about this stunning revelation, as it didn’t really fit with my world-view that I was a shambling lump more suited to bell-ringing at Notre Dame than having a girlfriend.
Carpe Diem, as I always say.
University: Roger Taylor from Duran Duran
There was a poster of Duran Duran on the wall in the accommodation block I lived in during my second year at Durham and someone wrote on it ‘Graeme’, with an arrow pointing at Roger Taylor.
People seemed to think we bore an uncanny resemblance to each other.
And, as I actually had a girlfriend by this point, and she was doing her best to convince me I wasn’t repulsive, I guess I half believed it. Looking back, they had a point.
I guess it was too late to become a New Romantic by that point, though.
1990s: Harry Connick, Jr.
I lived in Newcastle for four years in the 1990s and my on-off girlfriend who was, admittedly, insane, was convinced that I looked like Harry Connick Jr. In fact, she bought me several Harry Harry Connick Jr. CDs to prove it.
This one I buy. I looked like Harry Connick Jr’s uglier brother on a bad day.
Awesome.
And then – just as I was starting to think maybe I wasn’t so bad looking after all, given how all these girls kept telling me how I looked like various pop stars – I lost my hair.
At the age of twenty-six.
Life is cruel.
2000s: Moby
When I lived in London in the late 90s and early 2000s, my friend’s girlfriend used to say I looked like Moby. To be honest, I think it was just that Moby and I both had our heads shaved and had stubble.
Also, she was taking a lot of drugs at the time and probably wasn’t quite sure where she was, let alone who looked like who.
It went downhill from there. I’m fairly sure that most of the people I got compared to as I got older were just other baldies. People saying I looked like Mussolini was a bit of a comedown from all the pop stars (even Moby).
And I’m going to gloss right over my alleged resemblance to Lenin.
2010s: Pep Guardiola
My step-kids say I look like Pep Guardiola these days. He is the same age as me, and looks vaguely similar, though as usual it’s got more to do with the lack of hair and the stubble than anything else.
And it’s true that both Pep and I play football. He won the Champions League and I kick about with my friends on a Sunday afternoon, so that’s a wash.
Also, he owns the restaurant at the end of the street, so we’re practically brothers.
People Who Look Like Me: the Implications
Looking back at all these people who look like me, I think what it really proves is: when I was younger I was better looking than I thought I was.
One thing I came to realise as I grew up is that this image stuff isn’t very real. I’ve met a handful of famous beauties: Kylie Minogue, for example, who I accidentally knocked over with a door (sorry, Kylie). They were much more normal-looking than you’d think. The only actual difference between them and us is they have professional stylists and photographers making them look good in photos.
So, my young friends, note this: you’re better looking than you think, and out there somewhere is someone who thinks you’re a dead-ringer for their pop-cultural hero.
As I used to say, when I did actually look like Harry Connick Jr, for you “these are the good old days”.
What do you think?
If you have any thoughts on the implications of self-image as a socio-cultural construct as revealed by my pop-star doppelgängers, then please email me. If you just like the article then please feel free to share it using the buttons below.
